Olympic jumping to conclusions, expectations, anger management and humor, or, what to do when one's toilet leaks.

Opening an outside RV storage area, I noticed a soggy looking cardboard box and wondered when it had rained last. But the floor was damp. To my chagrin, I noticed the black plastic pipe coming down from the overhead bathroom was wet. The toilet plumbing.

Fortunately, no odor was present. Was it a supply side leak? I thought the 45 degree elbow pipe's seam looked as if it may be cracked. My jolly next door Brit agreed and said it was easy to remove the toilet, only two bolts secured it. And so began my RV toilet training. I'm always reminded what my oldest son said, "Houses aren't supposed to move."

I removed the toilet after shutting off the water. Removing the water supply tubing was difficult because of space and tool limitations but the purchase of a larger "disposable (use once and throw away) Chinese" pair of pliers from the weekend flea market across the highway worked fine.

Two bolts attaching the plastic commode merely squeezed a gasket between black plastic flange and the wood floor.

Eight hefty screws attached the flange to the floor and with the clamps to the 3 inch diameter rubber connector connecting the pipe entering the storage tank loosened, the toilet piping was pulled up through the hole in the bathroom floor from the storage area.

After examining the pipes I couldn't find any obvious condition that screamed, "Leak." What crack? Perhaps I misjudged. I examined the gasket connecting the commode to the floor. It was compacted but showed no evidence of escaping goop.

I went to Camper World to buy a new black plastic Abs flange, a 45 degree elbow and some cement to weld the pieces together. But they didn't have the exact parts. The massive next door Lazy Days RV center did, but didn't have a 6" long piece of 3" diameter straight Abs pipe to connect to the rubber connector connecting to the storage tank. No place had any straight Abs 3" plastic pipe. Lowe's, Ace, nobody. "Nobody uses Abs black pipe any more. Only the RV industry." Everyone else uses white PVC, as a wasted afternoon of traveling from one to another recommended plumbing supply store revealed. One kindly guy in a plumbing store sent me to another RV supply store for a piece of straight 3" diameter Abs, but was kind enough to call them first to see if they had any. When I arrived at the supply store, there weren't any small pieces so I bought a 5 foot length and they cut off a 6" piece and tossed the rest in the truck for me.

My attempt at cementing the flange and 45 degree elbow failed. I blew my first practical exam. I knew from watching maintenance men at Berlex that the cement used with plastic pipe dried very fast so I was quick to weld the two pieces. Unfortunately, the angle from the flange, elbow and straight piece to the rubber connector wasn't close enough. I couldn't twist the elbow to meet the connector. The cement had cured. That cracked me up. I laughed. I couldn't believe my silliness. I'd need another set of Abs pieces. Good thing they weren't exorbitant. I joked saying I was glad I was retired and had the time to screw with this stuff. I reassembled the toilet so I would at least have running water. The toilet still leaked when flushed. And all the undoing and redoing of the water pipes concerned me, I theorized white plastic tubing and fittings can't take too much doing and undoing.

The next day, Saturday, I had an all-day computer course at the university so my return to Lazy Days on Sunday on the off-chance that it might be open, was indeed way-off. Monday I bought a new elbow, flange and a flange gasket. This time I was ready for anything, having flunked my first test.

I replaced the old gasket with the new one and reinstalled the old pipes to rule out the possibility of the gasket being the culprit and not the black pipe. A fine time to begin the scientific method, after 45 years of using it. It was apparent that the gasket wasn't at fault. Water dripped with impunity into the storage compartment. I'd need that new set of black plastic parts. Unless of course, I overlooked something else, some internal toilet mechanical thing. I was glad I bought a five foot length of straight pipe. I'd need some more.

I welded the new flange, elbow and straight pipe and lo and behold, I still couldn't connect to the rubber connector. The angle orientation was low by over an inch so the new stuff couldn't meet with the rubber connector. I was non-plussed to the max. I compared the new set of pipes with the original. The new elbow had a different angle than the original one, but its label identified it as 45 degrees. I took the two sets of pipes back again to the RV shop where I bought the 5' straight piece of Abs and asked for another set of flange and elbow. With the original set and my second set on the counter, both with the 6" straight pieces arranged one behind the other, it was obvious the angles they made were very different. The counter guy knew I had a 60 degree elbow, not a 45. My eldest son also told me that when you buy new stuff, it can be broken, installed wrong, backwards, upside down or just be the wrong stuff. Mislabeling was something I hadn't considered. I was still learning.

That RV place didn't have the exact duplicate flange and I wanted to install an exact replacement, so I only bought a 45 degree elbow. I'd get my next flange at Lazy Days.

Oh, no I wouldn't. I used up their supply of exact replacement flanges and Camper World only had screw-together parts. Hunting continued. And I was still concerned about why there wasn't any odor in the storage compartment, was I missing something else? And how many times can materials be screwed and unscrewed without screwing them up?

Okay, back to the trailer supply place, I had to get parts that weren't identical or go without a john for who knows how long? So I bought parts that had to be welded using their outsides, all the others were cemented together using internal seats. There weren't any internal fittings to be had. So I'd have a spare angle part from the trailer place. And the point was?

Back at the RV park, the external parts wouldn't fit together on a friggen' bet. The flange seemed a bit bloated. What, holding water? The angle piece seemed a bit tight-assed. What, holding resentment? Now I was beginning to consider what it was that I did in my lifetime that caused my damnation. But I knew I was in control. I could use some sandpaper and remove a few micro-whatevers from both pieces and have them mate. Well, come together. Well, work. I searched my severely limited tool box, found some black sandpaper and quickly used it up. Another trip to Ace Hardware and ages of careful grinding, I felt the two pieces would now be able to seal together with the cement. I gambled.

With three magic marker positions aligned on the flange and elbow, the clean, blown, washed flange and angle pieces welded/melded together without difficulty, if one excludes anxiety. The straight piece objected to becoming part of the unit and I freaked for a moment until I was able to twist the damn pipe into its required position. The connection held. I'd won.

Now, the final exam. The flush test. I connected the water supply. No leak. But I lost interest, or guts and let the bathroom alone overnight. I'd let daytime tell me how brilliant/stupid I've been. And then I noticed it.

Going to the pantry, above the outside storage area to start dinner, I noticed an odor. What the hell was that? Hell, I always used the fan vent when I showered. What mildew?

Okay, the toilet worked but the storage area now stunk. Not from septic stench, but from mildew. But I was hungry, had dinner and put my little 10" fan to work blowing into the storage area. It blew for three days to dry whatever needed drying. The new pipes were holding.

"Tune in tomorrow."

"Film at eleven."