Day 41, Tuesday, September 11, 2001

Up early and laying blocks. It is a spectacular day. A cool fall breeze blows peacefully. I'm listening to a book (The Pilot's Wife) and working on my mason skills. I am improving, and lay 30 level and plumb blocks in 3 hours. I feel like this is a good pace, considering that includes mixing the mortar, moving the blocks, cleaning the mixer, etc. I take a quick break to dig a new commode. My day and many others' went to shit at the same time. As I was passing the camper I heard the message alert on my answering machine beep. As I listened to Laurie's message telling me what had happened in New York City, my heart sank. Those poor innocent people, who have done nothing wrong, maimed and killed for what? I know there is no "why". I try to call home but all lines are busy in Flemington. I can get online and check my e-mail. Miraculously, Jason, Robby and Mike are all OK. Laurie is on her way home because the JCC closed. For the first time since I've been up here I feel lonely. I had always thought of myself like the song lyrics: "off the beaten path I roam, by myself but not alone, nomad, wanderer, call me what you will". Now I feel alone. I am alone. The peace and quiet now seem eerily wrong. Everything feels wrong. No planes fly overhead. I vacillate between overwhelming sadness and deep desire to inflict immense pain on these animals. I feel selfish and cold working on a vacation house now. The fun and excitement has been replaced with hard work punctuated by images of chaos and death. Numb, I press on.